You Can Skip This One

Its just gonna be a few paragraphs of me bitching and worrying.

Seriously. I bet it'll put you to sleep or something. I'm getting bored and dozing off myself just sitting here thinking about what I want to say. Painfully disinteresting. In fact, if there hadn't been a giant eye staring me down on my TV for the last 12 hours I probably would have passed out a long time ago. I am exhausted.

Although I probably would have just turned off the TV after the first hour if it wasn't going on and on about how cute I am. Priorities. Sleep can wait. I'm being pampered.

Lets take this moment real quick to say a short prayer for Father.




Master keep me, Fire guide me, 
I charge forward to fight the foe just beyond me,
For if I don't strike they'll find and consume me.

Vast Barren Silence, hear me. My light will expunge thee.

This compulsion compels me so they'll know how to resist ye.
And thus I write.

Fos tin Katharí




And now that that's done, I should get back to the topic at hand. Bitching and worrying.

I don't know that I agree with Ellen on giving Anna the information. I mean, that was pretty fucked up. Down right betrayal on Anna's part. And we had the moral high ground before. The terms of the delivery was something Incognito was super into right up until they fucked him over. But giving Anna his side of the delivery anyways speaks very poorly on us. Dishonorable. Disrespectful. Its... in bad taste, much like this post.

But fuck it. Whatever. Its done. Incognito and Anna are both trash in my book and I hope they destroy each other. I confidently say as such because I know the two of them wish me much worse for being a proxy. As if what I do is so much worse than the shit they do.

For the record, in my ten years as a proxy, I have never offed a runner. Smoke that down your pipes while you're up on your high fucking horses.

But look at me again, awkwardly lashing out in preemptive self defense at a lifeless computer screen. Having arguments with people who aren't here and can't respond. Madness. The TV agrees with me. We also both agree that I'm smart and awesome. So suck on that while you're at it.

Shifting back to something more on topic, I understand why Ellen would side with Anna. Ellen has a bit of a reputation for keeping secrets for the sake of others whether they like it or not. But quiet frankly, it doesn't make it any less fucked up in my book when Ellen does it either. Because I don't play favorites. Fucked is fucked.

Lets bitch about Ellen some more. I don't know how I feel about her roaming about on her own. I understand she goes stir crazy. I fucking live stir crazy. I get it. But if shes half as dangerous as I've been constantly assured she is by both herself and others, then I think she really should have an attendant on her.

And yes, I understand shes a big girl. She can take care of herself... but its not her safety I'm honestly worried about.

I don't know. Maybe its just me. My dad always said I was far to overbearing. Especially when it came to my sister. After all, she was never gonna get any stronger if I took all her beatings for her. But logically knowing that never made it any easier to watch. So who knows, maybe I'm just being way overbearing in regards to Ellen right now. Hard to say.

And lets bring my final whiny aside up, this job is boring. I assumed when I was assigned to protect a group of runners from dangerous fear cults both foreign and domestic, see 'rival fear cults' and 'other proxies', that it was gonna be a more proactive job.

I was delighted when I found out it was the new couriers. One, Courier is a kick ass title in my book. It carried a lot of weight amongst proxies I knew back at the Free Market Compound if nothing else. And two,  the original Couriers were notorious for getting themselves into incredible amounts of fucking trouble. Which meant, in theory, that I'd have no shortage of fights win and shitheads to kill.

But I've spent the last month locked away in this base doing fuck all... talking with a TV about how strong I am.

And while I'm enjoying the constant pep talk, I want some action.

Ivan out.